yup, this is my life

Good grief, it's been a while since I posted anything. I'm still around. Still busy. It seems like my days are just running together, and I can't keep ahead on anything. Home school is in full swing and I'm having a hard time getting everything done now. Just a new routine to get into. OK, so I've never in my life gotten "everything" done, and I know I never will. It feels like things just keep piling up, like laundry and the dust bunnies on the floor that I swear I sweep or have the kiddos sweep everyday. I'm up early and to bed late trying to "finish" something I started but never finished. Between school and well my life I'm just busy.  Most days it's good, but boy once in a while it's not! So don't think my life is all sunshine and roses, it's not and I don't mean to give that impression.  On my living room floor right now I have squash, melons, dust bunnies, crayons, jars, boxes, boxes of full and empty jars, onions, paper my kiddos were drawing on and forgot to pick up, boots shoes, dirty socks...I could go on, but I think you can "see" enough! My husband is in the process of making me another cupboard for my canned goods, so once that is made and home I'll show you! I can't wait to get it. Then my boxes and jars and boxes of jars will have a nice new home! But his cabinet making got interrupted by haying!
My gardens are just about done before I put them to bed for the winter!. I have some carrots to finish. Then squash and pumpkins, but I don't can or freeze them. I just put them in my house and eat them up! Wish I had a root cellar for them. Maybe someday...
Today my husband is haying. We finally have some nice weather all in a row to get some second crop done. Seems like this week a lot of farmers are putting down hay. No pics of it again this time either. The batteries are dead in the camera, he's haying with the "poppin johnny".  Maybe next year I'll have things together enough to get a pic of him haying with it! It's kinda cool!
So have a great day all! I have to go find my living room floor!

noises in counrty life

Last night my husband and I got the kiddos to bed early. They were very tired and cranky, and just needed to go to bed. They were out in about 15 minutes of being put to bed. Ya they were tired. Then we went out and weeded one of the gardens. Just the two of us. Oh it was such a nice evening, there was enough of a cool breeze to keep the skeetos away, and it wasn't hot or humid. Just perfect. We worked away at the weeds and chatted some. We didn't speak for a while, just being together was nice. As I was weeding I listened to the noises around me. The breeze blowing through the tall hay, the horses happily munching their hay and the chop of their teeth. The fan in the window gave a quiet hum as it whirled around. Sheep nearby eating the weeds we threw out to them, and the sound of them eating. Kinda noisy, like they were just loving the weeds. Maggie was out in her pasture and every once in a while Dandie would call to her, and move around in her stanchion, and clang and bang around as she laid down. (The reason she is in is because they got out the other night around 11pm, and we need to fix her pasture). Pigs were quiet, and sleeping in the barn. The chickens were going to bed and getting into their perches, I could hear them clucking, and their almost growl when they were disturbed by another hen moving in.The occasional squawk when someone higher up demanded that one move so she could have that spot. I could hear my husband softly move about the garden pulling up the weeds, and glanced over at him in the dusk. We spoke, then quiet again. The frogs and crickets were out chirping and singing their evening songs. Birds settling in for the night, quietly chirping and singing as they did so, the soft flutter of their wings as they moved about. I looked around and saw the lightening bugs coming out, lighting up the darkening hay fields around us. Abby nickered at me when I made a noise, and T.O shook her head rattling her halter. The sun was almost all the way down, but there was still a slight glow of light on the big fluffy now gray, pink, and blue clouds. Someone in the not too far distance was setting off fireworks. I sighed and felt the ragged edges and stress melt away as I breathed out.

messes

Last week we started back up with home school after a short break for Christmas. I took the kiddos shopping with me and they had doctor appointments as well. I was setting up another appointment and was asked what time would work, after school, and I said whenever, I home school and can come any time. The lady looked at me and I braced myself for the comment I was sure was coming, I just love all the looks and comments I get at times, but she smiled and genuinely said "Wow, that's wonderful. I am such a strong believer in home school. I'll bet they are getting a great education. I think that's wonderful you are able to do that. I'll bet you get a lot of slack for that too." I tried to keep my mouth from hitting the floor at the comment. I stumbled through a thank you. I couldn't believe it. She made my day! I have gotten some looks from people while out shopping during "school" hours and been asked if it was a day off, I smile and say "nope, we home school" and go on my way. I've been asked how do it do it as they see I have 3-4 kiddos with me, depending on how much shopping I have to do. I've been called the lady with all the kids before too. I think it's funny. Or the very typical wow you have your hands full, or how many DO you have? I don't consider 4 kiddos to be a lot, or that I have a large family. Granted sometimes if you were to come to my house and hear the noise level or see the tornado of kiddos stuff that has gone through my house, tripped on or were to sit on one of the toys you might wonder how many kiddos lived here! I usually always have some sort of mess to clean up, and my counter top is never fully cleaned off, and nothing is usually where it belongs for more then about 10 seconds, but I have come to the realization that it's ok. My kiddos have wonderful imaginations, love to be outside, and don't get to watch T.V all day, or everyday for that matter, and if they do get to watch TV it's Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons or Danial Boone type movies. They help out tons with the chores, love to lug fire wood, and stack it in the fall with daddy. They help me clean up the house and put things away when they are asked.  I trip over a toy or two every time I walk through the living room, or get my foot snagged on a dress up dress. But before I go to bed at night I pick up the things left scattered about the house and put them in the kiddos rooms and look at them sleeping peacefully, tired from a full day of life in the country, and smile. Life is good.  I know there will be a day when they will be grown and leave my house and have one of their own and I will miss tripping on something every time I walk through the living room. I once read on a blog to think of house work as a good meal. You work really hard to make that meal, and look at it for about 5 minutes before it's all gone. The people you love enjoyed the meal you made for them, and it makes me feel good. It's kinda like that with house work, you work really hard to get the rooms cleaned, only to have someone come behind you and mess it up. They enjoyed your work and the clean room, even though it was only clean for about 5 minutes. I'm glad they enjoyed the clean room.Know what I mean?
Anyways life has been very busy for me, that's why I haven't been blogging. House work, school, ya know! haha!
Have a great night all!

a parents worst nightmare

Sunday morning started out like they typically do. It was a cold morning with a heavy frost on the ground, it should be cold, it's December. The only thing different was a couple that lives down the road from us, and attends the same church, was taking the oldest two kiddos to church with them because our van had broke down and isn't fixed yet, and we are borrowing my in laws car that won't fit 6 people in it. They are very nice people and the grandparent type to all the kiddos in church. They give them a small Christmas present and a card on their birthdays. So they came and took Little Matt and DaLaney. I was getting the younger two's hair done, and tights on and we weren't quite ready to leave yet. So about 10-15 minutes later we left for church. Rachel burst into tears and said she had to pee really bad. Too late to turn around and go home. Thankfully we found a portable one at a store. I was driving, Matthew had enough driving and, well I love to drive, so Rachel was all set and we were back on the road. The girls requested Christmas music. So it was. We chat as I drive, then we notice there was a road block up ahead. No one was going through. There were two options go left or right. The cop said take a left to continue on our way for our destination. We did. The girls were in the back happily singing the Christmas carols. One asked me if I knew where I was going. I said "a detour." "Why?" "Can't go the other way something happened." "Oh." More singing. Out of the corner of my eye I see Matthew dialing a number on the phone. One sided conversation is what I here. "Where are you?" It's his brother. "Oh, well call me when you get to church and let me know if they are there." Hangs up. I suddenly get a sick feeling in my stomach, and my hands turn all sweaty on the steering wheel. "I just got a real sick feeling in the pit of my stomach." I said. "Me too." Matthew replied. Suddenly it was very hard to breath, my chest constricted and I took in a deep shaky breath. I drive. There is a silver car in front of me. I have no idea where this road comes out. The girls are giggling. The phone goes off as we take a very sharp L turn to the right. It was my brother in law. "Do you have their number?" Hangs up. "They are not there yet." Matthew said to me. It's even harder to breath, my chest hurts, and I can't feel my legs. I take another breath. That silver car is still in front of me. Fear grips me and I start to sweat. "You OK? You want me to drive?" "No. Gives me something to concentrate on." My heart is racing, and I pray silently, "Dear Lord. Please keep our kiddos safe and protect them. Please don't let this accident be them. Please no God."  I seem to get tunnel vision and my chest is tight. I grip the steering wheel with my sweaty palms. I was suddenly thankful that there was someone in front of me going the speed limit, 45, and I had never been on this road and it was too busy to pass due to the traffic on it, probably it's not a very busy road on a typical day. I still couldn't feel my legs. My arms are tingling as I pray again. We stop and turn right. Matthew said something to me. The girls are still singing in the back. I suddenly knew where I was when I saw the road sign, and knew where we would turn out, I told Matthew that one of his childhood friends lives on this road and he just so happens to be a state trooper. He nodded. Just up ahead I see the stop sigh. The road is blocked to the right. I come to the stop sign. The silver car turns left. "The road is blocked." I state the obvious here. "We are going down that way." "I can't." I uttered. "Do you want me to drive." I just nod and take my seat belt off, and move, as Matthew gets in the drivers seat and down the road we go. Just a short ways down the little hill and turn I see the flashing lights. Nausea hits. I see an animal control officers black SUV, and other lights and cop cars. I see two cars off in the ditch to the right. They hit an animal, was my first thought. The road is slick and there is lots of salt on it. "Is it them?" "I don't know. I can't tell." I pray again as Matthew stops the car and hops out and heads down. The ambulance has come and gone. I can't breath, tears come down my face and I'm gasping for air. Fear that my kiddos were hurt, and I wasn't there with them. "You OK Mommy?" "I'm OK." "Sounds like your crying. Are you OK?" Rachel and Emma were concerned about me. They have no idea what is going on. I need to keep it together. I don't typically cry. "I'm OK." I'm still trying to control my breathing and fighting the urge to puke. I wipe my sweaty palms on my dress. I can't catch my breath. I watch as the cops approach Matthew. They are talking. My eyes are glued to the back of My Man. My legs felt like jello. I see the cars in the ditch. I pray. The phone goes off, and it's my brother in law. I can tell by the ring. Matthew left it in the car. I grab it and manage to croak out a "hello." "Yup they just pulled in the driveway. Their fine." I felt the hot, tears coming down my face as the words "their here, and safe" sunk in. Relief swept over me. I managed to croak out something to the affect of " Thank God. Thank you." And hung up. My whole body was shaking, and I was still sweating. I was ever so relieved that my kiddos were safe and sound at church waiting for us! I suddenly could breath and my chest didn't hurt. I got the feeling back in my legs. My toes were cold. I had so much air back in my lungs and relief coursing through my veins and tears I was trying to control. I look up and Matthew is walking back to me shaking his head mouthing "it's not them." I held up the phone and nodded. He gets in and I said, "your brother just called. They are at church."  Matthew looks at me. "You OK?" Breath. "Yup." I'm glad for sunglasses. It took me a few minutes to pull myself back together as I prayed and thanked God for his hand of protection on our life (kiddos). Matthew told me the cops were very nice about him going down there. And that he had had to take some deep breaths before he could talk after seeing the cars. One of the cars in the ditch looked like the one the kiddos left in.
Once at church we head in and I walk in looking for my oldest two kiddos.Rachel trips and falls, and Daddy scoops her up first as he was closer to her. DaLaney sees me first and come over and gives me a hug and a kiss on my cheek. "Hi Mommy. I missed you." I squeeze her tightly to me and kiss her soft cheek and whisper in her ear "I love you." "I love you too."  She smiles, and I fearsly blink back the tears. She had no idea what we had been though. "Where's Little Matt?" I search the room for him. "He's with some of his friends." I found him with my eyes and looked at him. His handsome face and boyish grin.  I went and sat down with DaLaney. When Little Matt came over I hugged him tight and said "hey boy, I love you."  And swallowed the lump in my throat. "I love you too Mommy." As he hugged me back. He has no idea. He sat down. Again the relief and thankfulness came over me. Our kiddos were safe. I've seen them and hugged them both. My life is good now. I could relax. We now have the number of the couple who drove them to church. 
The rest of the day went by without incident. That night we had 2 brother and sister in laws, along with all the kiddos over for pot luck supper, last minute, and read our Advent celebration together. We had some Ribbon candy too! Anyone remember that stuff? I didn't even know they still made it. My great grand mother always had it at Christmas time. It was such a treat for us kiddos to have!
That night the kiddos went to bed, in their own beds. Happy, full and safe. All four of them. I went in their rooms and looked at them each breathing slow, and deep, some were snoring. I covered the ones back up that needed covering and said another silent pray of thanks giving for their safety.

stormy weather

The wind is blowing a bit on the wild side. The sky is a beautiful gray, and blue and there is a humidity sitting in the air that smells like rain. The clouds are thick and covering the sky, and the sun can hardly peek out from around them. The cut hay fields that surround my house are short and bowing, bending, twisting, almost dancing with the wind. The animals are happily eating yet they seem to sense the coming storm, and there is a bit of unrest about them. They seem to jump and twitch when they hear a certain noise. Thankfully it's not a full moon! The clothes on my clothes line are blowing about wildly, with the wind and will be dry in no time. I love the feel of the moist, heavy wind on my face and I turn to enjoy it. My hair flying wildly about my shoulders. I close my eyes and imagine the ocean waves that are crashing against the rocks the white caps on top of the waves as they come rushing in and out! I bet it looks just amazing, it does in my mind. The gray, blue color of the sky and the water. I can almost smell the ocean now, the smell of the salt water, and the tangy taste of it on my tongue, just the smell of the ocean in Maine. The sea gulls flying above calling out to one another seemingly uninterested in the storm that is coming. I wish I was there to see it, and smell it. Maybe capture a picture or two or 50!
The weather men are calling for a hurricane category one here in Maine depending on how hurricane Irene tracks. We could be in for a wild, wet, windy weekend here. Not compared to the havoc that it will wreck on the coastline down more southern then us. But it could still be interesting to see how it all pans out. I am always amazed at the wild weather that my Creator can open up and unleash on us. All the different kinds of storms.
 The pictures below doesn't do justice to how it looks. But this is out back of our house. You can kinda see the dancing. I like this view!

Can you see the flowers and the grass bowing, bending, and twisting in the wind? No? Well I tried to capture that for you. I even switched my camera to the blur reduction part. Anyways...

what do you do?

What do you do when a moment comes in your life that punches you in the stomach, and knocks the wind out of you? How do you react? What do you say to the person that gave you the news is someone you know and love? What if the news is about the kids?
What if the words are I have breast cancer from your mother in law? Your very dear friend has had a miscarriage, and you have never had to go through that? Your brother and sister in law tell you they are pregnant, but the baby is not going to live much longer after she is born because her brain never formed correctly? A family member wants children, but it could possibly kill her if she has children? You read on your friends blog, that you have never met, but have been pen pals with for about 8 years, and are certain that if you do meet in this life you would be friends, finds out their 5 year old son has stage four cancer, and they are now fighting for his life? What if someone you love had been raped?
What do you do? How do you react?
My mind is a changing range of emotion this season. All of these things have happened in my life. The words "I'm sorry." Sound so hollow and impersonal. "I'm praying for you." Do you mean it? Do you actually pray for them? Who are you praying to? Do you believe in the power of praying?
When your child is sick and their little heads are heaving over the toilet, or their body is being ravaged by a high fever, and just lay on you all day, don't you wish you were the one that was sick? Don't we all try to keep them safe and healthy? Don't we try to do what is best for them?
Are you thankful that it's not you or your kids, and then are filled with guilt because you thought that? Do you hold your kids closer and kiss them and love on them a little more, and let little things that maybe bothered you, like that loud annoying toy, go?  Do you get down on your knees and bury your face in your hands and cry out to God to bring your loved one comfort and healing? The words to say to try to give comfort to the hurting one? A warm meal to the family in need? Sit quietly with them as you both cry? Clean their house, watch the kids? Does it ever feel like it's enough, or that there should be something more that you could do? Do you hurt when your loved ones or friends hurt? Do you pray for them all day every time you think of them? Are you there for them no matter what?
What do you do? How do you react when life punches you in the stomach and leaves you breathless?